In the summer of 1960, my mom turned six years old. In the summer of 1960, John Fitzgerald Kennedy was running for the presidency of the United States. And as luck would have it, the two of them crossed paths on the election road.
My grandfather worked for forty years as a union plummer, so it's not hard to believe that he voted for every democrat who held office. When he heard that Senator Kennedy would be speaking in Minnesota he made sure to attend the rally. My mother was too young to know the historical significance of shaking the would-be president's hand but my grandfather would never forget it.
Later that week, my mom was to present something to her class for show and tell and my grandpa could not wait for her to boast about meeting Mr. Kennedy. He helped her choose a fancy dress, he combed her hair neatly and then prepped her for the upcoming presentation.
As my nervous little mom approached the chalkboard for her show and tell debut, stage fright set in. She twirled her hair, looked at her class then looked at her feet. Everything my grandpa practiced with her was lost, so she said the only thing that came to mind, "this week...I got new shoes."
Monday, July 28, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
You Aint Cool...
I'm from the generation who embraced Adam Sandler and his crazy antics. "You aint cool unless you pee your pants" is one of many great quotes from the movie Billy Madison. My sisters and I have borrowed so many quotes from the movie we could probably resight the entire script. Unfortunately for me, the "pee your pants" quote came to life at the park one evening.
My kids and I made the impulsive decision to stop by my sister's house for a visit. Her new baby was only weeks old and we found every excuse possible to stop by and see him. Nola and I held him and gave him goo goo eyes while Miles played with the cat only to get bored and ask about the park minutes later.
After mentioning the park for the fourth time I finally agreed to leave the baby and head out. This particular park is half a block from my sister's house and has the most amazing climbing tree. My kids climb while I stand under the tree and watch. I'm not sure I would be of much assistance should they slip and fall but I stand there anyway just in case.
At one point during our visit, Nola told me that she had to go to the bathroom and while bouncing up and down. I asked Miles to come out of the tree so we could walk back to my sister's house.
Then Nola said, "just kidding, I'm good."
"Are you sure, Bug? We can go back."
"I'm fine."
So I decide to believe her and the kids continued to climb.
"Nola, did you pee your pants?" asked Miles.
"No, I'm just sweaty."
"Oh, okay."
I looked up and she was not sweaty, my seven year old girl did in fact pee her pants.
"Bug, come down here," I shouted.
"What?"
"Honey, you did have to pee. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know, it's not bad, really."
But she was mistaken, it was bad. So I gathered the kids and we walked back. Because my kids are seven and five, I don't carry extra clothes so I told Nola to bunch up some toilet paper and stick it in her underwear until we got home. She had no problem with this solution. While she was taking care of business, Miles turned around and I looked down at his shorts.
What?
"Bud, come here," I whispered. "Did you pee your pants?"
He looked down and answered, "I think so."
"Bud, why? There is a bathroom right there?" I said pointing.
I looked at his shorts one more time and viewed the wet line of pee covering his fly area. What was happening to my children?
On Nola's exit, Miles entered the bathroom to fix his misstep. Meanwhile, my sister shook her head at me wondering if this was to be her future.
We headed to the car once each kid had their toilet paper securely in place. And though I was surprised by the pee event, I couldn't help but laugh.
"What happened to you two? How did you both pee your pants tonight?"
They laughed and shrugged their shoulders. Then Nola pointed at Miles and yelled, "he peed his pants."
"Bug, that is mean," I replied. "And by the way, so did you."
Both kids laughed at the word pee and then I joined in, I guess you're never too old to find the "pee" word funny.
My kids and I made the impulsive decision to stop by my sister's house for a visit. Her new baby was only weeks old and we found every excuse possible to stop by and see him. Nola and I held him and gave him goo goo eyes while Miles played with the cat only to get bored and ask about the park minutes later.
After mentioning the park for the fourth time I finally agreed to leave the baby and head out. This particular park is half a block from my sister's house and has the most amazing climbing tree. My kids climb while I stand under the tree and watch. I'm not sure I would be of much assistance should they slip and fall but I stand there anyway just in case.
At one point during our visit, Nola told me that she had to go to the bathroom and while bouncing up and down. I asked Miles to come out of the tree so we could walk back to my sister's house.
Then Nola said, "just kidding, I'm good."
"Are you sure, Bug? We can go back."
"I'm fine."
So I decide to believe her and the kids continued to climb.
"Nola, did you pee your pants?" asked Miles.
"No, I'm just sweaty."
"Oh, okay."
I looked up and she was not sweaty, my seven year old girl did in fact pee her pants.
"Bug, come down here," I shouted.
"What?"
"Honey, you did have to pee. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know, it's not bad, really."
But she was mistaken, it was bad. So I gathered the kids and we walked back. Because my kids are seven and five, I don't carry extra clothes so I told Nola to bunch up some toilet paper and stick it in her underwear until we got home. She had no problem with this solution. While she was taking care of business, Miles turned around and I looked down at his shorts.
What?
"Bud, come here," I whispered. "Did you pee your pants?"
He looked down and answered, "I think so."
"Bud, why? There is a bathroom right there?" I said pointing.
I looked at his shorts one more time and viewed the wet line of pee covering his fly area. What was happening to my children?
On Nola's exit, Miles entered the bathroom to fix his misstep. Meanwhile, my sister shook her head at me wondering if this was to be her future.
We headed to the car once each kid had their toilet paper securely in place. And though I was surprised by the pee event, I couldn't help but laugh.
"What happened to you two? How did you both pee your pants tonight?"
They laughed and shrugged their shoulders. Then Nola pointed at Miles and yelled, "he peed his pants."
"Bug, that is mean," I replied. "And by the way, so did you."
Both kids laughed at the word pee and then I joined in, I guess you're never too old to find the "pee" word funny.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Funny Girl
It was 10:00 AM on Labor Day weekend when my babies arrived and by 10:15 we were on the road. My family had been at the cabin in Alexandria since Friday and we were eager to join them.
Both kids were in stellar moods. They love going to the cabin so they were beaming with excitement. We laughed, sang and told stories. The first part of our trip started off with a bang. And then it stopped abruptly.
After enjoying an eventless meal at Subway, we headed to the car. I’m not exactly sure if Miles tripped because he stubbed his toe or tripped after jumping off the curb, but what I do know is he eventually ended up on all fours. Tears began to fall. I ran to him, attempted to pick him up but he screamed. Everything on his body seemed hurt. The damage was invisible to the eye though he did have a slight cut on the palm of his hand.
I gave him a few seconds to compose himself then I helped him up. He put his head on my shoulder and continued to scream. One certainty about my Bud is that his tolerance for pain is non-existent. I found a band-aid in my glove compartment for a person’s knuckle but decided to use it anyway, it was all I had. Miles screamed ‘no’ at the sight of the band-aids unique shape. He was not about to let me apply it. We fought for a minute until I finally slapped the bandage on his little hand and climbed into the driver’s seat.
I did not truly believe that slapping a bandage on him would end the crying, but I hoped that it might. He ultimately cried harder and ripped the band-aid right off his hand. So I did what any high stressed parent who wasn’t thinking clearly would do, I turned up the radio. Maybe the music would change his disposition. Nope. So I turned it back down and tried to reason with him as we drove down the road.
“How about a cough drop, Bud? That might help.”
I know it sounds strange but my kids love cough drops. He stared at me something fierce and continued to cry.
Then Nola stepped in and said, “Mom, I’m not saying that I am great at math, but a cough drop for a hurt hand, doesn’t add up.”
I looked at my smart ass, six year old girl and started laughing. She had obviously heard my family make math references in the past and just happened to use it in the right context. What a funny little girl.
Both kids were in stellar moods. They love going to the cabin so they were beaming with excitement. We laughed, sang and told stories. The first part of our trip started off with a bang. And then it stopped abruptly.
After enjoying an eventless meal at Subway, we headed to the car. I’m not exactly sure if Miles tripped because he stubbed his toe or tripped after jumping off the curb, but what I do know is he eventually ended up on all fours. Tears began to fall. I ran to him, attempted to pick him up but he screamed. Everything on his body seemed hurt. The damage was invisible to the eye though he did have a slight cut on the palm of his hand.
I gave him a few seconds to compose himself then I helped him up. He put his head on my shoulder and continued to scream. One certainty about my Bud is that his tolerance for pain is non-existent. I found a band-aid in my glove compartment for a person’s knuckle but decided to use it anyway, it was all I had. Miles screamed ‘no’ at the sight of the band-aids unique shape. He was not about to let me apply it. We fought for a minute until I finally slapped the bandage on his little hand and climbed into the driver’s seat.
I did not truly believe that slapping a bandage on him would end the crying, but I hoped that it might. He ultimately cried harder and ripped the band-aid right off his hand. So I did what any high stressed parent who wasn’t thinking clearly would do, I turned up the radio. Maybe the music would change his disposition. Nope. So I turned it back down and tried to reason with him as we drove down the road.
“How about a cough drop, Bud? That might help.”
I know it sounds strange but my kids love cough drops. He stared at me something fierce and continued to cry.
Then Nola stepped in and said, “Mom, I’m not saying that I am great at math, but a cough drop for a hurt hand, doesn’t add up.”
I looked at my smart ass, six year old girl and started laughing. She had obviously heard my family make math references in the past and just happened to use it in the right context. What a funny little girl.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Skinny Dipping
Children have the ability to learn at a rate that puts adults to shame. That being said, I have noticed children do, however, have trouble when it comes to unlearning things. Stay with me here, on average, when a child learns something it sticks in their brain like puddy. But should a parent change the rules so to speak, kids tend to get nervous, confused and may choose not to listen.
Here's an example: When kids go swimming, they are taught to wear a swimming suit. Sounds reasonable, right? But should a child not have access to a suit, shorts or underwear might suffice.
This happened when my family went to Florida last spring. The car caring my kids swim suits stopped at the grocery store before going to the rental house so my kids and I arrived at the house before our luggage. They were so desperate to jump in the pool I finally agreed to allow them to swim in their underwear. The looks on their faces were priceless. Underwear? Had mom gone mad?
I explained to them that under certain circumstances, like missing luggage, they were allowed to improvise and wear something other than a swimsuit. They were not convinced. When my dad finished checking out the house he met us by the pool. I explained the swimming issue to him and he agreed that the kids could go in their underwear. Still nothing. Going against what they were taught was too much for them. For a while anyway. But soon the warmth of the pool became to much and they jumped in. They yelled and screamed and had a great time.
Months later, while swimming in my parent's pool back in Minnesota, Miles threw his swimsuit from the pool onto the concrete. My girlfriend and her kids were enjoying the pool as well and burst out laughing.
"Um...Bud, why did you take off your swimsuit?"
"What do you mean? I've done it before?"
"Really? When? I don't remember you swimming without a swimsuit before."
"In Florida, Nola and I went swimming naked, remember?"
Florida, Florida, oh yeah, underwear swimming.
"Well, Bud, in Florida you had on underwear, you weren't naked. Could you please put your suit back on for me?"
Then without a second thought, he grabbed his suit, put it back on and continued swimming. My friend and I tried to control our laughter so we wouldn't embarrass him but I guess that's what I get by changing the rules.
Here's an example: When kids go swimming, they are taught to wear a swimming suit. Sounds reasonable, right? But should a child not have access to a suit, shorts or underwear might suffice.
This happened when my family went to Florida last spring. The car caring my kids swim suits stopped at the grocery store before going to the rental house so my kids and I arrived at the house before our luggage. They were so desperate to jump in the pool I finally agreed to allow them to swim in their underwear. The looks on their faces were priceless. Underwear? Had mom gone mad?
I explained to them that under certain circumstances, like missing luggage, they were allowed to improvise and wear something other than a swimsuit. They were not convinced. When my dad finished checking out the house he met us by the pool. I explained the swimming issue to him and he agreed that the kids could go in their underwear. Still nothing. Going against what they were taught was too much for them. For a while anyway. But soon the warmth of the pool became to much and they jumped in. They yelled and screamed and had a great time.
Months later, while swimming in my parent's pool back in Minnesota, Miles threw his swimsuit from the pool onto the concrete. My girlfriend and her kids were enjoying the pool as well and burst out laughing.
"Um...Bud, why did you take off your swimsuit?"
"What do you mean? I've done it before?"
"Really? When? I don't remember you swimming without a swimsuit before."
"In Florida, Nola and I went swimming naked, remember?"
Florida, Florida, oh yeah, underwear swimming.
"Well, Bud, in Florida you had on underwear, you weren't naked. Could you please put your suit back on for me?"
Then without a second thought, he grabbed his suit, put it back on and continued swimming. My friend and I tried to control our laughter so we wouldn't embarrass him but I guess that's what I get by changing the rules.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Kid App
Last year I taught art at the middle school level. I love working with kids at that level because they are still young enough to listen yet old enough to create great art. And anyone who is a teacher will know that kids teach you as much as you teach them. One of the crazy things I learned last year from my students had to do with sound. We've all heard of dog whistles but I had never heard of kids whistles. Well, not whistles exactly, apparently there are high sound frequencies that people under twenty years old can hear and people over twenty years old cannot.
One of my students pulled out his phone, showed me the app, then pushed play. Three or four students around us snapped at him and told him to turn it off. I could not hear a thing. I guess students annoy each other with this app in the hallways and in class and the faculty is unaware anything is going on.
This information helped me make sense to an incident that happened while my kids and I were biking to the park.
Miles is a speed demon, so he is usually ahead of Nola and me. And on this particular adventure, Nola fell off of the path so I stopped to help her. Miles continued biking. When Nola finally got situated we looked up in search of Miles and he was about two blocks ahead of us. With my low, adult voice, I yelled to him. He did not turn around. I yelled again and nothing. Nola tried to get his attention, still nothing.
Then with the highest pitch scream a kid can conjure up, Nola exhaled, "MILES!!!" He instantly stopped and turned around. At the same time, I grabbed my ears wishing that the frequency of her scream had been just a bit higher. Maybe there is something to high pitch noises and kids ears.
One of my students pulled out his phone, showed me the app, then pushed play. Three or four students around us snapped at him and told him to turn it off. I could not hear a thing. I guess students annoy each other with this app in the hallways and in class and the faculty is unaware anything is going on.
This information helped me make sense to an incident that happened while my kids and I were biking to the park.
Miles is a speed demon, so he is usually ahead of Nola and me. And on this particular adventure, Nola fell off of the path so I stopped to help her. Miles continued biking. When Nola finally got situated we looked up in search of Miles and he was about two blocks ahead of us. With my low, adult voice, I yelled to him. He did not turn around. I yelled again and nothing. Nola tried to get his attention, still nothing.
Then with the highest pitch scream a kid can conjure up, Nola exhaled, "MILES!!!" He instantly stopped and turned around. At the same time, I grabbed my ears wishing that the frequency of her scream had been just a bit higher. Maybe there is something to high pitch noises and kids ears.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Naked Mom
I don't run around the house naked but I don't shy away from it either. If I need to shower, sometimes I have one of my kids in there with me. If I need to change for the day, sometimes my kids are hanging out while I change. I don't find the need to be discrete yet, though my experience the other day was interesting to say the least.
Miles and I were playing boats. I don't mind playing with him but my knees tend to give out after about a half an hour of crawling around on the floor. So once I hit my limit, I mentioned to him that I needed a shower. Sometimes he joins me and other times he takes a bath while I shower but not that morning, he wanted to continue playing boats. Fine with me I told him. So I went to the bathroom shutting the door behind me but leaving it unlocked as usual. I then disrobed, grabbed a towel and walked toward the shower. Luckily I was paying attention because the door flew open and I caught it before it nailed me in the face.
"Hey, Bud, what do you need?"
"You forgot to put the pretend boat on the pretend trailer."
"Oh, sorry Bud. I'll get it once I get done showering, okay?"
"No, mom! I need the boat on the trailer otherwise I can't drive back home!"
"Bud, I'm naked right now and need to shower first. You are just going to have to wait."
Crying ensued. Now, I'm not one of those moms who can ignore crying. I realize that some women have a gift and can tune it out in order to get things done but not me. It digs deep into my soul and I cannot relax for anything. And I really wanted to take a relaxing shower, just five minutes of alone time. So I gave in to my crying little man.
"Okay, okay, I'll help you get the boat on the trailer." I made a quick motion with my hands and added some sound effects then said, "there."
"No, mom, I need to back the trailer up first." He replied almost laughing at my attempt to place a nonexistent boat in the wrong spot.
How silly of me, I thought.
"Just wait a minute while I back up my truck."
So I stood there, naked with the bathroom door wide open watching my son back up a fake trailer. He actually didn't seem to notice my nakedness, all he cared about was getting his pretend play right.
"Watch your foot mom."
"Oh, okay, thanks," I said moving my foot out of the way.
"Okay, I've got the trailer in the water now you can put the boat on it."
"Right," I replied. Then I made a clicking noise to show that I hooked the rope on the boat. My next move would be to mimic the sound of the power winch. I would have been a much nicer moment had I not been naked but again, Miles could only stare in the direction of our fake boat.
"Alright, Bud, I think we've got it."
"Thanks, mom," he said. Then he got into his pretend truck and drove out of the bathroom giving me our trademark two honks on the way.
I closed the door behind him and jumped my freezing butt into the warm water of my shower. Miles is very serious about his vehicles and apparently I will do almost anything to humor my kids.
Miles and I were playing boats. I don't mind playing with him but my knees tend to give out after about a half an hour of crawling around on the floor. So once I hit my limit, I mentioned to him that I needed a shower. Sometimes he joins me and other times he takes a bath while I shower but not that morning, he wanted to continue playing boats. Fine with me I told him. So I went to the bathroom shutting the door behind me but leaving it unlocked as usual. I then disrobed, grabbed a towel and walked toward the shower. Luckily I was paying attention because the door flew open and I caught it before it nailed me in the face.
"Hey, Bud, what do you need?"
"You forgot to put the pretend boat on the pretend trailer."
"Oh, sorry Bud. I'll get it once I get done showering, okay?"
"No, mom! I need the boat on the trailer otherwise I can't drive back home!"
"Bud, I'm naked right now and need to shower first. You are just going to have to wait."
Crying ensued. Now, I'm not one of those moms who can ignore crying. I realize that some women have a gift and can tune it out in order to get things done but not me. It digs deep into my soul and I cannot relax for anything. And I really wanted to take a relaxing shower, just five minutes of alone time. So I gave in to my crying little man.
"Okay, okay, I'll help you get the boat on the trailer." I made a quick motion with my hands and added some sound effects then said, "there."
"No, mom, I need to back the trailer up first." He replied almost laughing at my attempt to place a nonexistent boat in the wrong spot.
How silly of me, I thought.
"Just wait a minute while I back up my truck."
So I stood there, naked with the bathroom door wide open watching my son back up a fake trailer. He actually didn't seem to notice my nakedness, all he cared about was getting his pretend play right.
"Watch your foot mom."
"Oh, okay, thanks," I said moving my foot out of the way.
"Okay, I've got the trailer in the water now you can put the boat on it."
"Right," I replied. Then I made a clicking noise to show that I hooked the rope on the boat. My next move would be to mimic the sound of the power winch. I would have been a much nicer moment had I not been naked but again, Miles could only stare in the direction of our fake boat.
"Alright, Bud, I think we've got it."
"Thanks, mom," he said. Then he got into his pretend truck and drove out of the bathroom giving me our trademark two honks on the way.
I closed the door behind him and jumped my freezing butt into the warm water of my shower. Miles is very serious about his vehicles and apparently I will do almost anything to humor my kids.
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