My thoughts on life have changed enormously since having children. I once believed that girls could do anything boys could do. But now that I have a son of my own, I stand corrected. I have personally never urinated on the shirt I was wearing.
As I reflect on this idea, I suppose that I could if I had some sort of hose contraption or funnel. Or maybe if I were wearing a mullet type of shirt and it fell into the toilet, okay maybe then. But I am not talking about a shirt that was near the toilet, this shirt was on my son's body at the time and I am pretty sure that he soaked the collar as well.
Miles, who may never speak to me again should he ever read this story, occasionally calls me into the restroom. Most of the time he calls so I can help him out with number two, but there are times when something has gone miserably wrong and a wet shirt was definitely one of those times.
As I walked into the bathroom, I saw him sitting on the pot crying. Apparently, he had sat down to go number two but forgot to push his you know what down. The thing was pointing straight up and soaked his entire shirt outfit. And once his penis started shooting up he pushed it down which caused him to not only soak his shirt but his underwear, pants and socks too. What a mess. What makes this story worse is that it was a band night. Miles wears a white button up dress shirt and a pair of black dress pants every time he watches my dad's band play and that night, he was dressed to kill.
I pulled my sobbing boy from his throne of shame and cleaned him up the best I could. Then I hand washed his sacred outfit and blow dried it with my hand dryer. We where short on time and I had to improvise.
When we were finally ready to go, he was smiling and so was I. He had his band outfit spit shined and I had just been proven wrong, apparently girls can't do everything guys can do. And in this case, thank goodness.
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